mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
