in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i think i just lost a toe
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
