You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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