so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
