I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
