I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
