...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
