i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im six kinds of drunk right now
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
