I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
