Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dicks are not precious.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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