She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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