Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
