Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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