i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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