So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
