how can u be prego again
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
