even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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