I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
