i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
