everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
