but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
