the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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