She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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