If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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