So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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