very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize