We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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