Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
