I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
