woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
