Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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