White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
