Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
