I want to make a zoo with you.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
