We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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