In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
