I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
