I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
