I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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