Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
