i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
