She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
