Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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