it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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