I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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