yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
