Buhtt sex?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
