Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
