She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
