His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
