It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
