Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
