i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
