Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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