after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
