Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
