omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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