Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
