Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
