Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
