I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
