i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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