There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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