I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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